5.05.2012

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

I like to think of myself as a pretty genuine and open person (on my blog), but honestly, there is a whole mess of things I've never talked about on my blog. Major aspects of my life that are completely unknown. (No, I'm not a secret agent.) I always feel like this is a craft blog, and you are here because you want crafts. Not to read the nitty gritty details of my life. Maybe I'll share one of those major things sometime.

I base a lot of my self worth on what other people think of me. I think this is one of my biggest flaws. I take things so personally. If I lose a follower I worry about what I've done wrong. If I find an old acquaintance defriended me on Facebook, I feel so hurt. If someone doesn't like me, I get all bent out of shape about it.

We live in my in laws basement, and we have for a year and a half. I'm so embarrassed by that. The rest of the blogging world is filled with beautiful women living in beautiful houses that are beautifully decorated. I don't. I'm poor and I live in an over stuffed and cluttered basement.

I am ridiculously shy and awkward in real life. Social situations make me anxious. I don't like being in a room filled with people, I usually stare at my feet as much as possible. As much as I do like to meet new people, I don't like the process. People often think I am extremely rude and stuck up because I don't talk to anyone and I keep to the few people I know. And when I do try to talk to other people, I say really awkward things because I sometimes forget to turn my "filter" on. I wonder if any of you would like me in real life.

Blogs and blogging over-stimulate me and zap my inspiration. That's one reason why I sometimes fall off the grid, I just get too overwhelmed by all the amazing things other people are doing and obsess over the awesome things I'm NOT doing. I beat myself up over it, and I compare myself to others until I run my self esteem into the ground. I need to take a step back and try and let my inspiration seep back in. I try to do too much and make things I think people will like, and I end up failing because I drain all my energy trying to get people to like me. (Refer to my second paragraph.)

I am so very far from perfect. 



11 comments:

beingFab said...

Oh Amie, you are such a lovely person!!! I'm sure all of us have our comparison days and feeling extremely low days, but cmon, aren't those days what make the good ones great?? You aren't perfect, but neither is anyone else.

Sarah said...

I have days like that too where I feel completely and totally inadequate.

I think you are awesome & I love when you post! :)

Shannon Anderson said...

We all have these feelings. It's completely normal and trust me that no one's life on the internet is as awesome as they make it seem.

I enjoy your posts and I love your crafts. It's hard to put anything up for the world to view and see and somedays it's easier than others. I admire your bravery for writing this post.

Swarnali said...

Haha,you know I would have written exactly the same had I done the post...am so awkward around new people..!!
Don't be so harsh on yourself sweetie...you are such a wonderful and creative person. Everybody has such days,cheer up :)

Bianca said...

Oh Sugar, how sad you feel that way! And I do understand up to a certain point. I always feel myself less than others. Maybe because my fysical apperance and my disabilities. For a mayor part due to my youth where I never was good enough.
But you know; I dó talk about my life, my struggles, my ups and downs on my blog. And I learned that most followers respond so kind, loving and comforting, that I always feel understood and accepted for who I am.
Try it, begin with small issues, thoughts or problems. You will see that no one will judge you, will give you consolation. It's balm to your soul...
Since I blog in English too I came to know some lovely woman where I email privatly sometimes. I find that we are so much the same, more so than different. Really.

I love reading your blog, your great ideas, and I think you are a lovely girl. Just as you are.
Money and a big home is not everything. Your personallity makes who you are, not what you have or don't have.
Take it from an old gal like me (I'm turning 40 in 5 days ;-D )

Big, big HUG from me,
Bianca

Betsy@My Salvaged Treasures said...

You're a gem for sharing your completely honest feelings. I know all of us feel inadequate in so many ways and at so many times in our lives. I know I'm much harder on myself than anyone else is, but after 50(something) years I'm finally easing up a bit. You are a sweetheart for sure; just keep being YOU!

nic said...

I could write a blog post word for word like this one to explain why I quit blogging for over a year.

You are a wonderful crafter, blogger, & person and I know I would like you in real life.

Living Our Love Song said...

Loved this post! Until I am comfortable around people and the situation, I feel I'm akward too!haha

Mindy said...

Isn't it incredible that when we're all perfectly honest, we're VERY similar?!! No one has it all together, and that's pretty great. Thanks for sharing so honestly!

the girl said...

I know you and like you in real life! But I am the same way, I stare at my feet when new people are around. I laugh too loud at jokes and then find myself repeating the joke "and you were like and then she was like!" Yeah I'm that one. Eh I have an old ugly home that I'm too poor to decorate nicely. Amid, you're amazing and wonderful and as long as you be yourself (whichever part of yourself you show) the world is a better place for it. :)

Crystal said...

Oh you are the best and I know I feel the same way often and wish we lived close. we could be crafty and akward together :)

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