10.26.2011

A necklace

That's all I have left of him. My best friend, the boy I loved my entire childhood. All I have is this necklace he gave to me shortly before he left this world. I was a little shocked, I mean, what teenage boy gives his friend silver jewelry as a gift? But I loved it nonetheless, and after he was gone I wore these pieces for months and months and months.


Six years ago he was gone without warning. He went to sleep and never woke up. He was only 18, I was only 18, and it was the first time I'd lost someone so close to me. This day never gets any easier.

I think about all the dreams he had that he was never able to reach.
I think about the family he left behind, his parents without their son and his sister without her brother.
I think about how he was the only boy that was ever at my birthday parties, and how I was the only girl at his, and I smile.
I think about all the dances we went to together and what a handsome young man he was.
I think about the time he saved me from that terrifying thunderstorm I got caught in while running, and all the other times he saved my butt.
I think about how much I truly loved him, and the wedding we were going to have.
I think about his talents, and how he was never able to bless the world with them.
I think about his smile, and how it never failed to make me smile.
I think about so many things, he was such a major part of my life for twelve years. There are so many wonderful memories that include him, and I treasure each one of them.

I miss him. Even now I still miss him. I wish I could call him up and tell him everything that's going on with my life. I want to tell him how much I miss him, and how grateful I am to have known him. I want to tell him what an impact he had on me, and what a perfect friend he always was to me. I want to apologize for all the times I was mean to him and told him he was annoying. I want to apologize for not being able to go to his funeral, I want to apologize for never having the strength to even visit his grave. I want him to wrap me in his arms and tell me everything is going to be ok.

Sometimes I get angry, I think "Lord, why did you take him away from me? Why? I loved him, he was my best friend, we could have had so many wonderful years together. He was only 18! WHY!?" Sometimes I cry (or bawl until my eyes swell shut) and sometimes I still hurt. Even though he's gone, he still helps me be a better person. His death reminds me to live my life to the fullest, and to cherish each day I am blessed with. Don't ever forget to tell someone how much they mean to you, because they might not be with you tomorrow.

But, I know the Lord does not make mistakes. And I know I will see him again someday. <3 I wear this beautiful necklace and remember him fondly.

Have you lost someone close to you?

7 comments:

Chris King said...

It's too early in the morning to get me bawling. I'm in a melancholy mood this morning, and your words pushed me over the edge. He was a great kid, we miss him too.

Amanda said...

Oh poppit, it's never easy. I've lost too many people close to me, if I let it the grief would devour me, but those of us left behind have to make each and everyday count.

Mindy said...

Oh, I'm so sorry! It's still hard years later. =( What a sad day for you all.

Bianca said...

Don't know you, but I feel your pain. The first love lost is always the hardest, I believe. I also lost my first love and although it's 25 years ago, the day he left this world and his birthday I still pray for him and think about it could have been.
" Those we lost don't go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near. Still loved, still missed, still very dear.
Although we smile and make no fuss, no one misses him more than us. And when old times we oft recall, that's when we miss him most of all."

Take care.
Bianca

Ami w/AliLilly said...

I'm so sorry, Amie. I do understand. http://alililly.blogspot.com/2010/09/sending-birthday-wishes-to-heaven.html

An Ivory Beauty said...

In May of 2010 My husband was taken from me in a accident, I'm moving forward but I will never move on. He is in my thoughts daily and I will always feel it wasn't fair and that part of my life will always be missing.. the part with him.

I miss him every minute of every day.

Kimberly from "bugaboo" said...

Oh, Amie... that's so hard. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It did remind me of my best friend when I was younger... we'd only been friends for about 3 years, but we were close right from the start. He died when he was 16 in a hit and run accident while he was riding his bike. I was almost 15. He was in a coma for 5 days until his family took him off life support and that was one of the hardest things I've had to go through and so very difficult to keep perspective. My heart goes out to you... albeit belatedly.

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